Why Should You Argue When You Can Have Discussion? Tips To Turn An Ugly Argument Into A Healthy Discussion.

Does anybody like to have an argument? Do you like arguing? What does winning an argument give you anyway? What is the prize of the achievement?

Food to feed your ego? Does that make you happy?

No!

How do you feel after making your loved ones feel hurt? How is it “winning” when your loved ones’ ego is destroyed and humiliated? What about the sense of resentment? The taste of bitterness left after the argument?

Why Should You Argue When You Can Have A Healthy Discussion. Tips To Turn An Ugly Argument Into A Healthy Discussion.jpg

I once liked a guy who was really sweet, very smart, kind and loving. But the only thing that stopped me from falling in love with him was his terrible love for arguments. For everything, he had to argue. Starting from choice of food, books and music to major life decisions, he would argue about anything and everything!! He enjoyed them. Thoroughly. While I on the other hand loathed arguments.

God! I hate Arguments. Am not talking about ‘workplace-healthy arguments’. Am talking about those that happen between loved ones, friends and families.

Discussions are Healthy. They let both parties to speak and share their differences and understand each other. There is no winning or losing. You just understand different kinds of people from their perspective and empathize with them.

Whereas, Arguments are Unhealthy in a relationship. They destroy every tiny bit of empathy left in your heart, destroy love and relationships. It makes people selfish and ruthless in their words. It induces the need to feel worthy and to dominate the other. The loved ones become opponents. It spoils every beautiful aspect of a relationship.

So, How do you avoid an argument?

Turn it into a discussion! It is as simple as that!

Don’t Get Angry.

Instead of getting angry and saying, “No you’re wrong!“.

Say, “Okay, this is my opinion, what do you say? How do you like it? What is your point of view?

Do Not Ever Raise Your Voice.

The very second you raise your voice, the discussion will turn ugly and it would no longer be a discussion.

Lose the urge to justify your point and be a good listener. 

It may be difficult to convince the other person to understand your opinion. But in a discussion, you have at least the opportunity to make them understand. In an argument, nobody will be willing to understand. Both parties only want to win and justify that their point is right and the other’s is wrong. There is no understanding whatsoever! So, don’t justify. Just Listen first.

Try and Learn to Empathize – The Common Ground

The moment you give the other person an opportunity to express themselves and give their opinions and listen to them is when you truly become a winner. You may not have an argument to win but you won’t lose anything either!  Instead, you win over your loved ones’ heart & respect and you also end up with a sweet taste after coming to a common ground. There may be compromises but it won’t be bitter! 🙂 

Enjoy Happy and Healthy Discussions with your loved ones.

Be Kind,

~Yuvathi

The Confused Young Adult

The Why’s, What’s, When’s and How’s That Trouble Our Hearts..

As I sat wondering about all the broken relationships, long lost friends, heartaches and heartbreaks, my mind got cluttered with a million questions. The more I thought, the heavier they got!

I thought I should jot them down and ask the world in an Open Letter…..

Do you feel the same way too?

The Why's, What's, When's and How's That Trouble Our Hearts..

Why is it difficult to trust whole heartedly and love unconditionally?

What stops people from shedding their masks and be their true selves? 

How many times can one be hurt and yet stay strong and positive for more?

When can we laugh our heart out without worrying about losing this wonderful moment?

What does it take to make someone believe in love, friendship, themselves, ourselves and the world around?

When, Why and How does a lovely relationship get crushed into nothing?

Why is it so difficult to believe all over again after getting hurt?

What is life without expectations?

Why so many expectations when it leaves behind only disappointments..?

How much is too much?

Am pretty sure, we all can answer every one of the questions above. I too can write an entire page on each of them as well.

But how practically true to the heart could they really be?

It is easier to say a lot of things than do them in real life..

Am I wrong?

I could only wish that we all live our lives peacefully without all the Why’s, What’s, When’s and How’s That Trouble Our Hearts..

Now tell me, Do You Feel The Same Way Too?

Sincerely,

 THE Confused Young Adult

The Unused Mailbox

Remember the good old days when we used to “write letters” and mail them to our loved ones? It is one of my fondest memories that I always cherish. I started writing letters when I was 5! Yes, I used to draw pictures and write a few words that I learnt in school and send them to my cousin who’s also my age! Only we could understand our tiny tot-language. 😀

I remember writing letters to my friends describing my new life in the city.  To my grandparents, I would write letters conveying my love and respect. Every evening, after school I would run and check the mailbox with great anticipation. Every new mail carried some special news and there was always so much to write. 🙂

Relationships were so precious. Every word written in a letter was treasured forever. I still have those beautiful mails in my ‘secret treasure chest’. They are priceless! 🙂

love leeeee

What about relationships and communication today?

You don’t have to write a letter and wait for days with anticipation. You don’t have to worry if the mail had reached the right person. Our modern day messengers and chat boxes give us instant updates. You even know when the message is sent, received and read..!

You also get to know the amount of importance given to your messages by knowing the time taken by the recipient to respond! You can also know if you are being ignored. Well, I guess that’s the best way you can insult a person in the internet era! :-/

blue-ticks-whatsapp-explained

People text every moment of each day and stay updated about their loved one’s activities, starting from waking up, brushing their teeth to having supper and going to bed! Meh.. O_o

I agree with the fact that now we are able to see people living 1000 miles apart through video conference and stay in touch and contact each other whenever we want. But the words written had more personal touch than the ones typed or texted.

Nowadays we see so many break ups in different relationships and many loved ones torn apart. Most relationships are ended with a blunt and emotionless text message or over a 5 minutes’ phone call. Distance is not a big issue anymore. Virtually, everybody is in contact with their loved ones throughout the day, across the borders and seas, but in reality, they are not.

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The precious words are no longer treasured in the hearts, instead they are saved in a memory stick.

People tend to live in a virtual world and their love, friendship and identity is defined by a “profile” and it doesn’t matter if you are friends in person; if you are not “virtually friends”,  then you are not friends in reality as well.

I’m afraid that the intimacy is deteriorating day by day and the children of the upcoming generation would hardly know what loving, bonding and missing loved ones actually mean.

Technology has brought the distant ones closer and the close ones apart.

The mail boxes are hardly checked.. The loved ones are hardly missed..

Sad, bitter, but True.

5 Simple Things We All Secretly Wish For..

Every human has a million desires. But there are a few simple things that we all wish for. There are certain things that can’t be changed. They are not rules made by the government. They are not laws laid out on paper. They exist since time immemorial. Our lives are wound around these principles. Some we wish we could do, while some we all wish to change, but never could and never will. Why? Oh, I wish I knew..

Here are the 5 simple things we all wish for..

I-Wish

1. To say what we have in our minds without any fear of being misunderstood

Every single person in this world is afraid of being misunderstood. When you talk to a person of interest or of great importance, say, your boss, your spouse or your crush, you tend to be overly conscious about your choice of words. Certain things should be spoken, and words once uttered can not be taken back. If those words are mistaken, it becomes totally impossible to clear the mess.

Everyday we meet so many people who are a total nuisance to the society. They are irksome, parasitic and some are pests we would love to shoo away. Even their mere presence would be so annoying. Well, Can you say it out loud? oh..you wish! 😀

Yeah, I wish I could tell the guy sitting next to me that he is so hot! Can I? Nope. 😛

2. To have relationships without conflicts

Now that’s a Bingo!

There are many situations where we wish we could go back in time and tell ourselves not to blurt out those terrible words and lose that one lovely person from our life. We wish we took time before we misjudged, talked back and spoiled a beautiful relationship. Relationships are like glass; once broken, they can never be the same. Sometimes these conflicts shatter them into pieces that can never be put back together.. 😦

How awesome would it be if we never had any conflicts with our loved ones! 

3. To not bother about what the other person is thinking

You may say you don’t care, but am sure, in some corner of your mind you are wondering what the other person is thinking. Sometimes even when you see some random stranger staring at you in the bus, you wonder, what is he thinking?? why is he staring!! Is it my new hair cut? or is it my tattered old T-shirt??

Before we do something, even if our heart says “go for it”, we think twice and wonder a million times about what others might say. If we don’t think before, then we “worry” a million times after doing it 😛 Why should we worry about others’ opinions? Why does it bother us so much? Well, we wish we could stop but we never can and never will.

Whenever some one says “I don’t care”, trust me, they actually do. 😉

4. To end the power play

Nowadays power, money and influence alone can get a work done. Sheer talent and hard work can’t take you anywhere. It works only for one in a million. You have to be “somebody” or you should have contacts with “somebody” to have your voice heard. :-/ Every common man would have faced such a situation in life and would have been frustrated by these power plays at some point of time or the other. Can anything be done about this?

Can we end this? Oh, I wish… 

5. To respect a person for what he IS & not for what he HAS

The most important of all, the one thing we all wish for the most… To be respected for what we are and not for what we have. People with name and fame are thrown away once they lose it. Some stick to you for your money while some stay with you because you are famous. Only a very few remain with you forever for what you are. This is a universal-sad-ugly truth.

Why can’t people love you and not your things? Oh, I wish I knew… 😦