Does anybody like to have an argument? Do you like arguing? What does winning an argument give you anyway? What is the prize of the achievement?
Food to feed your ego? Does that make you happy?
How do you feel after making your loved ones feel hurt? How is it “winning” when your loved ones’ ego is destroyed and humiliated? What about the sense of resentment? The taste of bitterness left after the argument?
I once liked a guy who was really sweet, very smart, kind and loving. But the only thing that stopped me from falling in love with him was his terrible love for arguments. For everything, he had to argue. Starting from choice of food, books and music to major life decisions, he would argue about anything and everything!! He enjoyed them. Thoroughly. While I on the other hand loathed arguments.
God! I hate Arguments. Am not talking about ‘workplace-healthy arguments’. Am talking about those that happen between loved ones, friends and families.
Discussions are Healthy. They let both parties to speak and share their differences and understand each other. There is no winning or losing. You just understand different kinds of people from their perspective and empathize with them.
Whereas, Arguments are Unhealthy in a relationship. They destroy every tiny bit of empathy left in your heart, destroy love and relationships. It makes people selfish and ruthless in their words. It induces the need to feel worthy and to dominate the other. The loved ones become opponents. It spoils every beautiful aspect of a relationship.
So, How do you avoid an argument?
Turn it into a discussion! It is as simple as that!
Don’t Get Angry.
Instead of getting angry and saying, “No you’re wrong!“.
Say, “Okay, this is my opinion, what do you say? How do you like it? What is your point of view?”
Do Not Ever Raise Your Voice.
The very second you raise your voice, the discussion will turn ugly and it would no longer be a discussion.
Lose the urge to justify your point and be a good listener.
It may be difficult to convince the other person to understand your opinion. But in a discussion, you have at least the opportunity to make them understand. In an argument, nobody will be willing to understand. Both parties only want to win and justify that their point is right and the other’s is wrong. There is no understanding whatsoever! So, don’t justify. Just Listen first.
Try and Learn to Empathize – The Common Ground
The moment you give the other person an opportunity to express themselves and give their opinions and listen to them is when you truly become a winner. You may not have an argument to win but you won’t lose anything either! Instead, you win over your loved ones’ heart & respect and you also end up with a sweet taste after coming to a common ground. There may be compromises but it won’t be bitter! 🙂
Enjoy Happy and Healthy Discussions with your loved ones.